60 Days of Gratitude: Abundance

This is the lie from the past that surfaced in my most recent, most emotional, two hour talk with my wellness coach, Morgan. 

I'm not exactly sure when the lie-telling began, but I imagine the childhood bullies contributed to such a tall tale. I'm sure it was there that my desire to be well understood was birthed.

Or perhaps it was birthed after the demise of my attempted relationship with Cathexis? The reason for the relationship ending was certainly enough for me to feel 'not enough.' 

You know, it could've been after that time (those times) that I received a rejection letter in the mail.

Maybe it was when I was bouncing from pillar to post in Korea and living with gracious girlfriends and supportive Sorority Sisters?

I'm not exactly sure who whispered the lie in my ear long enough for me to subconsciously start believing it and the truth is, it doesn't really matter. The point is, somewhere along the way, I developed this draining need to be understood. "If I could just get (enter name here) to truly understand ME, it'll be enough (translates: I'll be enough, I'll have enough)." I was crying out to be seen and had forgotten that what's most important is how I see myself. 

Note: Do not read on until you watch this video.

Ohhhh, the power of I AM. For a while, until I began believing it, I kept a sticky note smack-dab in the center of my mirror that read: I AM ENOUGH. I put this right where my face would be reflected because what I needed to see in myself every morning, before I faced the world, was what being enough for myself really looked like. 

being enough is not: being confident that they'll love you.
being enough is: being confident that you'll love you, even if they don't. 

When you are this level of enough, believe me, you have enough. So what did I do? I worked backwards. I asked the universe to show me spaces in my life where I have enough, and what started to happen? I became incredibly aware of what is called The Overflow

It started out with me simply (and very literally) looking up:

efore I knew it, a co-worker surprised me with a gift of appreciation. It was the most clever mason jar with a coral lid and a straw to match! Ah, the beauty of "thank you" and what it does for one's soul.

I have enough, I am enough.

The next day, a client's son brought me a bag. I look inside and it's filled with cute summery tops and bright yoga attire! What she didn't know was that I literally have ZERO summer clothes with me here in Chicago until July. What she also didn't know was that I spoke with my yoga master the night before and he told me that I'd need bright colored yoga attire (mine is all black) for this weekend's training seminar. 

I have enough, I am enough. 

My chiropractor cares about me; So much so that he visited my job and adjusted me because the day before I had a debilitating migraine and he understands the importance of me being able to focus at work. No charge. His words: I want you to get you healthy so you can help others become healthy. 

I have enough, I am enough. 

I go to the grocery store to buy a few breakfast items, including self-serve rolled oats for days where I need a hearty breakfast on the go. The price is missing and the manager approaches me. "Can I help you?" I explain that there's no price or SKU number and he asks if I'll be shopping for a while so he can find the number. I explain that it's the last item on my list and I've got to get to work. He tells me to go the register. I get there and he tells me I don't owe anything and to have a nice day. 

I have enough, I am enough.

Today, I found a dollar. Just like all of these mini-instances of abundance, a single dollar may not seem like much, but it has certainly has value. If you found a dollar bill on the ground, would you pick it up and put it in your pocket? So why is it that when we find abundance, we don't hold onto that?

I HAVE ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH. Say it with me. 

Danielle Lyles Barton